3 Words I’m Begging Romance Authors to Delete

I love romance novels. I love the good ones. I like the so-so ones. I read most of the bad ones to the end because I’m a sucker for a happy ending, even if I grumble the whole way there. But there are a few descriptive tropes that are overused by authors good and bad, and I wish they’d stop. So here’s my little rant. Then back to all positive reviews!

Stop kissing the shell of her ear

I get why you might refer to the shell of an ear, and I also get that some people find having their ears kissed sweet and sensual. But when you refer to “the shell of her ear” (and it’s always a her—male main characters’ ears are uniformly unshell-like, apparently) over and over, I start imaging women with conch shells for ears and then I start counting the number of shells and it ruins the moment for me.

New rule: romance authors can place one kiss on the shell of someone’s ear—maybe a man for a change?—per book. That’s it. If you’ve got a whole beach washed up by the end of your novel, it’s too much.

No, it wasn’t as loud as a gunshot

How do you describe words that drop on a character with life-changing weight? Lots of different ways, and romance authors can get truly creative about this. But one description for an unexpected word or sound that I’m tired of is that it was “as loud as a gunshot.”

First: no, it bloody well wasn’t. Second: as with any overused descriptor, it becomes drained of meaning after a while. So put down your guns, I’m begging you.

Don’t pebble the nipple

A woman’s nipples “pebbling” when she’s aroused is my least favorite overused descriptor. I’ve read books where a character’s nipples pebbled so frequently she could have filled a gravel pit. There are lots of great ways to describe a woman’s nipples responding when she’s turned on. Pebbling is not one of them.

So, now that everyone is on notice, there’s no excuse for any more shells, pebbles, or gunshots. Right? Right? Bueller? Bueller?